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i’m pondering college and what it means tonight. i’m juggling my awareness that academia is a fundamentally flawed system and universities operate with the intention of weeding “unproductive” people out of the workforce but i haven’t spent much time considering what that means for me as a disabled person. i’m on my fourth year in undergrad and still a sophomore. school feels to me like running slightly too slowly on a treadmill, having to sprint every so often to keep from falling off. i really want to go into academia, it’s been my goal forever and it’s something i’m passionate about, but if the whole system is rigged against me, should i even waste my parents’ and future me’s money trying? am i wasting years of my life attempting something impossible? 

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current mood: recovering from disappointment
current music: erica western teleport by emperor x
current beverage: none :(
current activity: waiting around until i have to leave for lab
goal for today: go to lab & work
i’m looking forward to… getting out of the house
i’m feeling grateful for… my new tights! i feel cute
notes: i made the inadvisable decision to stay up late last night and watch a movie instead of doing my homework, so i overslept and missed class today, which means i’m further behind!! i woke up frustrated and disappointed with myself, but i’ve put myself together to go to my lab (where attendance is SUPER important) so i’m starting to feel a bit better. and it’s all about forgiving yourself, right?

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Spiritual Level of Gang Shit // Diaspora Problems (2022) // Soul Glo
https://open.spotify.com/track/3SFP4QwlxhPAugKIwnc0JO?si=xKKycPF5Sv2stu44FQr1zQ

♛

Isabel Quintanilla // Glass on Top of the Fridge, 1972 // pencil on paper 

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Evergreen // Soma (2013) // Windhand
https://open.spotify.com/track/7cAlludZgzMdlBVRleN8zX?si=57BnaVhMSW--BKvBkKqtEQ

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Waltz (Better Than Fine) // Extraordinary Machine (2005) // Fiona Apple
 https://open.spotify.com/track/7neXV046ou4CNN9wyFAED6?si=EmYNgfUuRmqLWlOKB9yDaA