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[beehaiku]

i’m pondering college and what it means tonight. i’m juggling my awareness that academia is a fundamentally flawed system and universities operate with the intention of weeding “unproductive” people out of the workforce but i haven’t spent much time considering what that means for me as a disabled person. i’m on my fourth year in undergrad and still a sophomore. school feels to me like running slightly too slowly on a treadmill, having to sprint every so often to keep from falling off. i really want to go into academia, it’s been my goal forever and it’s something i’m passionate about, but if the whole system is rigged against me, should i even waste my parents’ and future me’s money trying? am i wasting years of my life attempting something impossible?